This has been a day of musings.  Wondering what the future holds for me…trying to be quiet and listen.  Realizing I’m not as loving as I like to think I am….not really going out of my way to help others.  Not wanting to be inconvenienced.  Wanting to know when to move ahead with possible ways of serving and yet, not wanting to “lock” myself in to day/time hours.  Feeling at lost ends.  Wanting to cry and not being able to (why?).  Having a quiet stillness in my heart knowing God is here and He knows the way I take.  Knowing I must go through the grief but not knowing how.  Wanting to “get it done” but knowing that grief doesn’t work that way.  Feeling alone, yet not wanting company.  Just missing my love and my friend of 49 years.  Remembering the hard times, the easy times, the fun times, and the sweet times.  The heartaches and the joys we shared.  The heartaches were deep, yet the joys were many and deeper still.  Knowing God brought us together and He has been glorified through our marriage and family.  Just thinking about it all today.