Yesterday was hard.   I am trusting God to lead me through the stages of death, but I never seem to know just where I am in this whole process.  I love serving my Lord through the church and at Remington Park as He has lead me to do.  I love the people He has brought into my life–all the new friends at both places.  Some times I wonder if I am so busy that I don’t have time for the work of grief, yet, at other times, it seems I have too much time on my hands.  I don’t think I am in denial.  I have known from the first that I will never see my honey again in this life.  But am still waiting on the deep pain of loss to set in.  Yesterday, through out the afternoon and evening until I went to sleep, I felt a deepened sense of loss.  Deeper than I have before.  Even while reading God’s word that loss was prominent.  

I know God is with me. I am trusting Him to bring me through all the grief stages I need to experience so I can live in wholeness.  I have never thought that my identity was tied up with being Frank’s wife–a preacher’s wife.  Yet I find that I seem to want/need(?) the recognition and affirmation I had as both of those.  I know my true identity is found in my love relationship with Jesus.  He has affirmed me as His daughter and the relationship that will never end is found in Him alone.  “His loving kindness never ends.” “The Lord’s mercies are new every morning.” In Him I have peace in the midst of my pain.  This is truly a “peace that passes understanding.”